I noticed a common theme in the weeks leading up to the birth of my daughter – I am a control freak.
It all started with her conception, actually. I wanted to control the story so badly. We tried casually to conceive for a few months. Then, took a break because of a few life events – a friends wedding we wanted to indulge at – I went to Burnin hig Man – ‘nuff said.
In September 2018, we went to Egypt. I realized I’d be ovulating on that trip and I became a little obsessed with that story. ‘You were conceived in Egypt!’ We’d tell this lucky child one day. We’d name the baby Alexandria after the city where she was created – or Cairo if we had a boy.
That didn’t happen. Our baby was conceived at our home in Silverlake.
As it came time to birth our child, my mind was once again trying to control the story. I was very anxious leading up to that day, mainly because I didn’t know when it would happen – hard for someone who likes being in control.
Yet, here I was, desperately wanting to craft the story of my first child’s birth.
I wanted it to be something really cool.
-Under the Full Buck Lunar Eclipse Moon, our baby was born and his first cries were like a howl in the bright moonlight.
-After eating the ‘The Salad’ At Caioti, contractions started and we went to the hospital where an angel was born just hours later!
-My water broke swimming in the pool at the Annenberg Beach House on a hot summer day in July and the baby had a natural water birth after all!
None of that happened.
First lesson in parenthood – you’re not in control anymore.
My due date came and went, and as the days went by, they felt longer and longer. When would this baby be born?
I tried every natural form of induction, hoping to avoid medical intervention. I got acupuncture, I ate spicy food, we had sex, I did inversions.
I got frustrated as the two week mark approached. Nowadays doctors won’t let you go later than that and you have to be induced.
Everyday that passed, my brain made a new story out of it. It was almost like a coping mechanism, because to be honest, I was getting kinda bummed.
I had my ‘plan’ – no drugs and no intervention unless there was a medical emergency. I had read that Pitocin, a common drug given to speed up or start labor, can make contractions unbearable. It scared me to think if they started Pitocin, I wouldn’t be able to get through the contractions without drugs and my wish of a relaxed Hypnobirth would be shattered.
To make matters worse, the two week mark was on my birthday. Not only would I have to share my birthday – something I love celebrating each year – but I may have to have a drugged out labor on my birthday. NOT my plan.
To be continued…