–The Super Bowl was BORINNGGG. It would have been tolerable had the Rams won. Unfortunately, Steelers fans got the less enjoyable result while sitting through a torturous game. (Editor’s Note: Our solution was to not watch the Super Bowl at all. Highly recco’d)

–I’ve started lifting weights in 2019. I hate the gym. Everything in there is so heavy. I guess that’s the price I’ll have to pay for trying to look like Matt Gajtka. (Ed. Note: Weights are unnecessary if the goal is Gajtka-like fitness. Isometrics, ftw)

–Multiple reports confirm that Antonio Brown was involved in a domestic dispute where the cops were called. Nobody was arrested, and I hope this means that this was nothing more than an argument that saw its decibel level rise a little too much. That being said, things seem to be deteriorating for the Steelers Wide Receiver. They need to part wayswith him no matter the cost. If that means flipping him for a late round pick—so be it. (Ed. Note: This is crazy, but I like crazy)

Altruism, engage!

–Jason Bay was inducted into the Canadian Baseball Hall of Fame. I didn’t know such a thing existed, but it does. Bay hit 222 home runs and was a career .266 hitter.

That’s exactly what I think would get you into the Canadian Baseball Hall of Fame. 

Bay was born in British Columbia. You know who else is in? Jackie Robinson. He briefly played with the Montreal Royals, a AAA affiliate of the Brooklyn Dodgers. Tommy Lasorda is in the Canadian Baseball Hall of Fame. Lasorda played one year for the Schenectady Blue Jays of the Canadian–American League. What’s the issue here? Neither of them is Canadian! 

What’s the criteria to get into this place?

I once owned an Expos hat. I’ve been to a Tim Hortons. I played pond hockey last week! Can I get in? 

The United States should open up a USA Hockey Hall of Fame and induct all of the Canadian players who played in the states! Better yet, we should build a wall at the northern border and make Canada pay for it. (Ed. Note: 🎉🎉🎉)

How It Works!

How Do-Goodery Works

–My wife found a bottle of holy water in our new house.

Initially, this made me think that the abode was haunted in some way. Well, until yesterday.

Yesterday, we found a clove of garlic behind the oven. We don’t have a ghost problem…we have a vampire problem!!

I’ve taken the liberty of turning all of our paint stirrers into wooden stakes. My wife told me the previous owner was probably an Italian Catholic. I think she’s being naïve. I’m going to err on the side of caution. (Ed. Note: Never trust Italians. We’re a chaotic, emotional people who may or may not understand contemporary vampire weaknesses & precautionary trends… everyone knows the garlic needs to be fresh)