You and Mom had been out of town for a few days, but I didn’t exactly take the opportunity to unwind in peace and quiet.
With no company at home, I simply locked in on ‘business.’ Exercise early in the morning, to engage my body and mind. Plenty of writing, plus some podcast creation. Reading books I received for Christmas and my birthday back in March.
I missed my two favorite people, no doubt, but there was something personally fulfilling about feeling so efficient. And with my personality being what it is, I idealize being the best I can be at all times. (You’ll gather from this journal that sometimes those tendencies play to my detriment!)
So, when I was put in charge of you for the full day, an every-Tuesday routine I’ve really treasured since leaving my previous full-time job, I faced a re-adjustment.
No, I didn’t meet my exercise goals today. I didn’t get much meaningful work done at all, either. To be honest, that bothered me.
Even as you fiddled with and kicked soccer balls around the Dick’s Sporting Goods in McCandless — cheap field trip! — I had to fight off the thought that I was ‘wasting’ the day. That looks awful now that I write it out, worse even than it felt in the moment.
I love being a father, more than I ever anticipated when we learned you were on the way more than two years ago. But if I’m going to be successful in my long-term career goals, I’m going to have to learn to adapt my expectations. Priorities must be refocused. Fat must be trimmed. Some dreams might die, or at least get deferred.
The fact is, being by myself for a few days was the exception. It does me no good to hold those bachelor-esque moments up as the goal for personal productivity. More importantly, it does you no good for your Dad to be distant when I should be giving you my full attention.
Some days go better than others. That won’t change, but my perspective sure can.
DAILY STATS VIA APPLE WATCH
Calories burned (active): 913
Minutes exercised: 66
Hours stood: 17
Steps taken: 14,476
Physical activity: Two-mile treadmill run at 8 mph